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The Highmark Caring Place   

The death of a loved one is devastating to a child. The impact can be overwhelming and the children and family often need support. The Highmark Caring Place can provide that support through its various programs.

The Caring Place began in Pittsburgh in 1996. Facilities are also located in Erie, Harrisburg, and Warrendale, Pennsylvania.

Thousands of community members are helped by the Caring Place each year at no cost through our peer support programs, and our education, consultation, and referral services.

Caring Place Support Groups

The Highmark Caring Place can help

When a person we love has died, we go through a door into a new world. No one asked us if we wanted to go in, but here we are. Now what? How do we journey through this new world as we search to find a "new normal"?

You won't find a map for this new world, or a guide book. One thing you will often find, however, is a lot of well-intentioned, but misplaced advice from others who have never been through this nightmare.

On the other hand, what you can find at the Highmark Caring Place is support and nurturance from others who have been there, and are continuing to find their way in this new world.

Here, children, teens and adults have the support of others their own age, others who know what it's like to live with such a big loss. They have the support of their peers, and also of caring adult volunteers and staff.

Through this support, grieving kids and adults come to find a new place for their loved one in their lives, through sharing their memories with others. In this way, they find ways to manage the painfully difficult grief, and continue to live life in the midst of grief.

Does My Child Need Support?

When a loved one dies, we know our children are affected. We may see their tears; they may get angry; or often, they “just don’t seem like themselves.” While we know they are hurting, we wonder whether they need extra support.

How do I know?

At the Highmark Caring Place, we believe that many people will need some type of support after a loved one dies. The type of support that is most beneficial to any particular family is as individual as the family itself.

Each Caring Place facility has several Child Grief Specialists who can help you decide if a peer support program is the right fit for your children and your family. Having worked with many grieving children, Caring Place staff members have seen many different ways that children experience grief. When you contact your local Caring Place, a Child Grief Specialist will talk with you about your family to help you make the best decision for you and your child(ren).

Fred Rogers, the creator and host of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, was also the Honorary Chairperson of the Highmark Caring Place from its beginning until his death in 2003. These words of his are on the walls of each of the Caring Place facilities:

"It is only natural that we and our children
find many things hard to talk about.

But anything human is mentionable and anything mentionable
can be manageable.

The mentioning can be difficult, and the managing too,
but both can be done if we're surrounded by love and trust."

Mister Rogers refers to the power of mentioning, of sharing with others. When we're able to share those thoughts and feelings and memories that can be difficult to share, we can begin to manage them as well.

And it's the support of others who care — especially the support of those who know what it's like to have lost a loved one — that can provide the atmosphere that allows this mentioning, and managing, to occur.

This kind of support can make a great difference in the lives of those who are grieving.

How the Caring Place Works

The Highmark Caring Place is a family-centered, child-focused, peer support program. With the focus on children, every aspect of the program is designed with the needs of children and teens in mind. It is family-centered because, when a family member dies, the whole family grieves, and therefore the whole family needs support. As a peer support program, the Caring Place provides an environment where children, teens and adults can receive support from others their own ages who are going through very similar experiences.

Community resource

As a community resource, the Highmark Caring Place is available to grieving children and families free of charge. There is no cost to families for any Caring Place services, and this doesn't depend on having insurance of any kind. The existence of the Highmark Caring Place reflects Highmark's commitment to the needs of children and families in the communities it serves.

Coming to the Caring Place

Children who are grieving the death of someone they love receive help at the Caring Place through peer support. The Caring Place doesn't provide therapy or counseling; instead children and teens come together with others their age.

They find that they are not alone in their grief.

They find that there are others who really do understand what they're going through.

They find a place where it is safe to eventually open up about what they are thinking and feeling, if they want to do that. However, no one ever has to do or say anything they don't want to do or say.

In order for trust to develop for those who come to the Caring Place, to the point where they might feel ready to share some of what's going on inside, the children and teens meet over a period of weeks with the same group members. One thing this means is that grieving families don't just "drop by" for an evening; the groups are set up in advance, and families are not added to these Sessions while they are going on.

Sessions are made up of approximately 15–20 families who have all had someone they love die. These families, along with a consistent group of caring volunteers and staff members, meet regularly for about two hours every other week over a period of 8–10 weeks. After completing the process that is set up to attend a Session, staff members work with families to assign them to an upcoming Session that works within the family's schedule.

The first hour of a meeting night is a relaxed social time where families and volunteers can enjoy a casual meal, talking and playing games with one another.

After the first hour in the large group, teens and younger children meet with others their age, while adults meet with other adults. In these groups, volunteers oversee activities that give the group members the opportunity to express and share their experiences and feelings in a safe environment.

Regardless of the type of activity planned for the evening, the focus is on helping the teens and children to know that they are not alone and to understand that what they are experiencing is normal.

Volunteer-facilitated

The Highmark Caring Place is very fortunate to have dedicated, caring volunteers who are the heart of our program. These volunteers complete a thorough 26-hour training program and submit criminal and child abuse clearances prior to working within the peer support groups.

The volunteers provide structure and support as well as safety and security to the groups. Within this structure, the teens and younger children themselves discover what they need to help them along their grief journey.

The volunteers create a place where kids can talk about things that are hard, things they can't talk about at school, or with friends, or even within the family. Along with their peers within the groups, the volunteers are companions to the teens and children in their grief, simply walking beside them on their grief journeys, so they don't have to travel alone.

Joining a Peer Support Group

If your own family has experienced the death of someone close, or if you know of another grieving family who you think could benefit from the services of the Caring Place, there is a process to follow in coming to attend the Caring Place. The steps that you can take to join a peer support group are shown below. The following section explains how you can help another grieving family get in touch with the Caring Place.

We are a grieving family and we would like to come to the Caring Place. What do we do?

If you and your family are interested in the peer support groups at the Caring Place, here's what you should do:

• First, you can call the Caring Place facility located in Erie at 814-212-4673.
• When you call, you'll speak with the Administrative Assistant at that site and provide some basic information about yourself and your family.
• Next, you will talk with one of the Child Grief Specialists at the Caring Place. He or she will be interested in hearing about the person who died in your family as well as how you and your children are doing since the death. During this call, you will also learn more about the Caring Place.
• If the Caring Place is a good fit for your family, you and the family members interested in coming to our program will attend an orientation session. This is an opportunity for you and your children to see what the Caring Place is actually like.
• After attending an orientation session, you and the Child Grief Specialist you spoke to earlier will decide whether or not the Caring Place can provide the support your family needs. If it is decided that your family will attend, Caring Place staff members will work with you to place your family in an upcoming group session that works within your schedule.